win oe seui uy 



^xom-JCjo ruDJjioninu vv/., viyue, wuiu. 



AMES' SERIES OF ^ 

STANDARD AND MINOR DRAMA, 

No. 253. 



That Awful Carpet-Bag 



( ORIGINAL FARCE. ) 



WITH CAST 0#" CHARACTKRS, ENTRANCES, A.,'D EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS OP 
THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES AND 
THK WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAREFULLY MARC- 
ED FROM THK HOST APPROVED ACT- 
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126 Our Daughters 8 6 

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219 Rags and Bottles 4 1 



221 Solon Shingle 14 

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129 Aar-u-ag-oos 2 1 

132 Actor and Servant 1 1 

12 A Capital Match 3 2 

166 A Texan Mother-in-Law 4 6 

Day Well Spent 7 5 

169 A Regular Fix 2 4 

SO Alarmingly Suspicious...- 4 3 

78 An Awful Criminal .3 3 

65 An Unwelcome Return 3 1 

31 A Pet of the Public 4 2 

21 A Komantic Attachment 3 3 

123 A Thrilling Item 3 1 

20 A Ticket of Leave .. 3 2 



86 Black vs. W T hite 4 



175 Betsey Baker 2 2 

iter Half 5 2 

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Captain Smith 3 

>k Will Win „ 3 

225 Cupi.'s Capers 4 

49 Der Two Surprises 1 



sh 



THAT AWFUL CARPET-BAG, 

AN ORIGINAL FARCE, 
IN THREE SCENES, 



•BY- 



Ad H. Gibson. 



TO WHICH IS ADDED — — 

A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES— CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- 
ENTRANCES AND EXITS— RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 



tf 



Entered according to act of Congress in the year 18S8, ly 

AMES' PUBLISHING CO. 
in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 



CLYDE, OHIO: 8^0 «£ 

AMES' PUBLISHING CO. 




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cA 



THAT AWFUL CARPET-BAG. 



h 



— X— ^ 

CAST OF CHABACTEBS. 

Rev. Alexander Kirkwood, A noted preacher from Bissletoion, 

Mr. Jarvis, Landlord oj Cross Boad's Hotel. 

Patsy, An Emerald Isle Incorrigible, 

Mrs. Jarvis, A blustering landlady. 

Miss Susan Jane Gadiiam, A modest but curious maiden of 89. 

Mrs. Briggs, A widow. 

Boarders, {if convenient) 



Time of Performance— Thirty minu*- 



Properties. — A large, old-fashioned carpet-hag, large wax doll, 
linen duster, umbrella and packages; also several articles for last 
scene. 



STAGE DIBECTIONS. 

b., means Right; l., Left; e. h., Right Hand, l. h., Left Hand; c, Centre; s. e ; 
2d e.,] Second Entrance; u. e., Upper Entrance; m. d., Middle Door; p., tha Ela.t ; 
D. r„ Door in Flat; e. c, Right of Centre; l. c, Left of Centre. 

E. E.C. C. L.C. L. 

.*»* The reader is supposed to be upon the Stage facing the audieaee. 



TMP92-009263 



That Awful Carpet-bag. 



SCENE I.— A room in the Cross Roads Hotel. Mrs. Jarvis bustling 
about the room, setting things to rights very energetically. 

Mrs. Jarvis. Land sakes ! There's the passenger's hack slopping 
at the door and this room all upside down, (calls) Patsy! Patsy^ 
I say! Where can that lazy Irish boy be? (calls) Patsy! 

Patsy, (outside) Yes, mum! I'll be on hand in a way bit of a 

jiffy ! 

Mrs. J. Hurry up, then, you pack of laziness! 

Enter, Patsy, l , whistling an Irish air, a large looodcn bucket on his 

arm. 

Mrs. J. (catching sight of the bucket) What did you bring that 
bucket in here for '? 

Patsy. Faix! to bring wather to ixtinguish the conflagration. 

Mrs. J. The what? 

Patsy. Bejabers ! ye was makin' sich a hulla-buloo among the 
furniture I thought the house was on fire an' ye was thryin' to save 
the place, so I jest brought me bucket along to help yez fight the 
ilement. 

Mrs. J. You blundering fellow ! Don't you see that hack at the 
door? Go, instantly ! 

Patsy. In the hack, mum? 

Mrs. J. No, blunder-pate! Go out and assist the passengers 
with their baggage. Go ! 

She chases him out with a chair, r. As he dodges her Patsy sets tne 
bucket down in the doorway, unperceived by Mrs. Jarvis. 

Mrs. J. Oh, that dreadful Patsy ! He wrecks every particle ot 
patience I possess, (looking off) Who can that distinguished look- 
ing gentleman be getting out ? It must be some great person. Only 
one passenger ! Well, one such guest will reflect more honor upon 
the Cross K oads Hotel than a dozen shabby, third-rate customers 
would do. There ! That Patsy did manage to secure the gentle- 
man's baggage at the eleventh minute. They are coming in. " 



4 TEAT AWFUL CABPET-BAG. 

Enter Rev. Kirkwood, r., falls over bucket. Patsy following with 
carpet-bag, linen duster and umbrella in his arms falls over him; 
general business between them on the floor, with umbrella and 
bucket. 

Sev. K. Get off my body, fellow ! There, take care now ! You 
are planting that umbrella right in my ribs ! Oh, this is a wretched- 
ly uncomfortable position ! 

Patsy. Bejabers! I'm injoyin' the ixcitement of the ixcursion 
all right! Jist be aisy a bit now, will yez, an' I'll thry to be afther 
makin' an attimpt to rise. 

Bev. K. (squirming) Make haste ! you are crushing the breath 
out of me. 

Palsy. Faix, sir! I can't rise at all, at all, wid yez a wigglhr 
loike that a-nunder me stomach all the toime ! Jist kape aisy till I 
brace mesilf out o' the ruins, (after several efforts Patsy sitcceeds in 
getting up) ISTow, sir, I'll help yez to git upon yer pegs agin. 
Ready ! 

Gives his hands to Rev. Kirkwood, who is pulled with difficulty to his 

feet. 

Enter, Mr. Jarvis, l. 

Mr. J. Has there been a cyclone? What does this mean? 

Mrs. J. It means that our guest, this gentleman here, has met 
with a distressing little adventure, due to the incorrigible stupidity 
of that blundering Irish servant of ours. 

Mr. J. I regret, sir. that you have been subjected to any mortifi- 
cation in the Cross Roads Hotel. I beg you to excuse our servant, 
and we shall try to make your stay with us so pleasant as to atone 
tully for the carelessness in your reception. 

Bev. K. Thank you. sir, but do not cast undue blame upon your 
servant. I caught 1113- foot in the bail of that bucket — I lost my bal- 
ance and fell. 

Patsy. I beg yer parthon, sir, for yer fall. 

Mr. J. I am glad you treat the affair thus pleasantly, sir, but all 
the same I regret its having happened, (to Patsy, icho is on his 
hands and knees on the floor) What are you looking for on the floor 
there ? 

Patsy. Faix, Mr. Jarvis, I'm lookin' fur the ould gintleman's 
lost balance. 

Mr. J. Leave the room, you Irish rascal. 

Patsy. All right, sir! (aside) Faix, I guess I'll have to lave the 
room bekase I can't take it wid me ! (exit, r. 

Mr. J. Pardon me, sir, but what is your name? 

Bev. K. I am the Rev. Alexander Kirkwood of Bissletown. 

Mr. J. (shaking hands) Right welcome you are to the Cross 
Roads Hotel, sir. It is not often an humble house like ours, in its 
out-of-the-way situation, has the honor to receive such guests as 
your reverence. 

Bev. K. Thank you, sir. It was the very quietness of your hotel 
that induced me to stop and seek accommodation. 

Mrs. J. Which we shall be happy to furnish you. Rev. Kirk- 
wood, I trust you will be kind enough to overlook the lateness of 
our welcome. I feel as though I could not apologize enough for the 
unpleasant affair in which you were a victim. It's occurrence so 
comj^etely upset; my niind that; J knew not apw to act. 



That awful cappeT-sag. 

Jiev. K. Don't mind apologizing, madam. It is all over now, 
and I feel none the worse for it. Be assured I shall not remember it 
against the Cross Koads Hotel, and shall be able to laugh at it as an 
awkward misap of mine, a few hours from this. 

Mr. J. You are most kind, Rev. Kirkwood. Now, sir, I shall be 
happy to receive and execute any orders from your reverence. 

Eev. K. If you please then, I should like a private room at once, 
where I can rest myself before supper. A jolting stage has little re- 
spect for old bones and I feel considerably shaken up. 

Mr. J. A private room ? Certainly, sir. Come this way if you 
please, and I will conduct you to the most comfortable room the 
Cross Roads Hotel affords. 

(exit, Mr. Jarvis, l., followed by Rev. Kirkwood 

Mrs. J. To thick such a thing should happen to the noted Rev. 
Kirkwood, of all men, and in our house, too ! It is too mortifying 
for anything. Patsy will be our ruination yet. He is such a care- 
less, blundering fellow. 

Enter, Patsy, r. 

Patsy. If yez plaze, mum, the chickens are picked and drawn an* 
ready for the pot. 

Mrs. J. Very well; I'll attend to them myself in a short time. 

Patsy. All roight, mum, jist use yer own pleasure about it. 

( bell rings to the l. 

Mrs. J. Hark! Isn't that Rev. Kirkwood's bell? 

(Patsy inclines his head to listen 

Patsy. It sounds loike his bell, considerin' I never heercl it before. 

Mrs. J. Yes, it is his bell for none of the boarders are in their 
rooms. Fly, Patsy, and learn his wants. 

(Patsy examines first one shoulder, then the other, intently 

Mrs. J. (impatiently) Well, what in the world are you waiting 
for? 

Patsy. Shure, mum, for the wings ! 

Mrs. J. The ivings? 

Patsy. Yis, mum, yez told me to fly, an' shure I'm waiting for 
the wings so I kin oblige ye. (bell rings again 

Mrs. J. There goes the bell again ! Now, go at once and learn 
what Rev. Kirkw r ood desires. 

Patsy. I will, mum; but (feeling of his shoulder) I think they 
w r as jist a beginnin' to sprout ! 

Mrs, J. You Hibernian ape! Are you going? 

Makes a dive at him; Patsy dodges out l. After a second he looks in 

at the door. 

Patsy. I trust ye feel none the worse for yer ixertion to lend me 
the wings, mum ! (disappears 

Mrs. J. Oh, that boy drives me distracted ! I must go and see that 
he properly executes the wishes of our famous guest. (exit, l. 

Enter, r., Miss Susan Jane G-adham and Mrs. Briggs; both have 

packages. 

Susan. An' they say that the great Bissletown preacher, Rev* 
Alexander Kirkwood, is in town an' a stoppin' at the Cioss Roads 
Hotel. I'd like to see Mrs. Jarvis an' ask her if it's so, 



G THA T A WF UL GABPET-BA Q> 

'Mrs. Briggs. Pshaw! Susan Jane, that Bissletown preacher aim* t 

a bit better than other folks, an' I don't say so because I'm a Baptist 
an' he's a Presbyterian, mind ye ; but my cousin's sister-in-law's 
niece, Melinder Ann Jackson, married a preacher for her second 
husband an' she hadn't hardly a decent rag toiler back. Xow that's 
a fact, an' he was a pow'ful mean provider, tew ! 

Susan, (aside) She jes' says that tew keep me from settin' my 
cap fur our new preacher, what is a widower with five small chil- 
dren. She wants him fur her second husband, but if I am thirty- 
nine, I'm a heap more enticiner than any ole wiclder like Priscillai 
Briggsis. {aloud) Well, Briggsis, I'd like awful good tew see Kev. 
Kirkwood, anyway. You know I'm kinder young like an' have 
never been off traveling an' have never seed any of these celerbrated 
pussons the papers tell on so much. Jest a peep 'Id satisfy me ! 

Mrs. Briggs. Sich longin's air sinful, Susan Jane, an' yew a 
Christian, tew ! But maybe it wouldn't be so bad jest tew peep 
through the keyhole an' see him, as tew stare square at him. But as 
yew air so young an' bein's as how I am a widder, I'll tell ye what 
I'll dew so's tew shield ye sortor from any talk that might be said 
about yer comin' up here tew see a man, an' a preacher at that! 

Susan. Dew fix up a plan, Mrs. Briggsis, jest so's I kin catch a 
peep at the famous divine, an' I'll speak a good word fur yew to our 
new minister. 

Mrs. Brings. Thank yew, Susan Jane. I don't keer nothin' fur 
the minister, but I'm sorter sorry fur the pore chillen an' might be 
persuaded on their account. But the plan's what yew air anxious 
tew hear. It's this : — you go straight hum with me an' after dark, 
bo's nobuddy kin see us, we'll come up here an' peep through the 
winders at him. 

Susan. But we don't know what room he occupies ! 

Mrs. Briggs. Here comes Patsy ! I'll ask him ! 

Enter, Patsy, l. 

Mrs. Briggs. How do you do, Patsy ! What is the number of Rev. 
Kirkwood's room? 

Patsy. He's a takin' off his boots an' gcttin' ready to take a 
snooze. ' He's not dressed jist now to see ladies. 

Mrs Briggs. Yew don't understand me, Patsy. I jest want tew 
know the number of his room. I don't wish ter call on him. 

Patsy. All roight, thin ! It's number five, frontin' the flower 
yard behind the house. -. 

Mrs Brians Thank yew, Patsy ! (aside to Susan) Jest the room 
far our purpose, (to Patsy) Now, Patsy, don't tell a soul about 
our bein' here! . i 

Patsy All roight, mum, it'll plaze me to kape silence on the mat- 
ther. (aside) Shure, Katie wud not loike it at all, at all, if she 
knew I talked to the widder. 

(he takes up the large carpet-bag which had been left there 

Susan. Is that carpet-bag Rev. Kirkwood's ? 

Patsy. Yis, mum, it's the preacher s ! 

Susan. My! It's full of sumthin! . 

Mrs. Briggs. Trac's fur the heatherms— but come on, Susan 
Jane, I must git home ! (exit, B. 

Susan follows slowly, looking curiously at the carpet-bag held by Patsy. 



TEAT AWFUL CABPET-BAG. 7 

Patsy. Ah! The ould widder and the oulcl maid are always 
dodgin' fur the prachers ! The riverend sint me to bring his carpet- 
bag an' other traps, so I'll jist gather thim up. 

Patsy picks up Rev. Kirkwood' s long-tailed duster, puts it on, opens 
the umbrella, hangs the carpet-bag over one arm, and then he pom- 
pously spreads up and down the stage, holding the umbrella dudishly 
over him. 

Patsy. Shure ! I am the great Kiverind Alexander Silkirk, on 
me way to Europe ! 

He watks very fast and makes the duster spread far out behind him. 
He looks over his shoulder. He struts about, imitating an affected 
lady, then breaks into a polka-whirl — beginning slowly and getting 
faster, until he causes the duster to stand out firmly, going up and 
down the stage several times, making his exit at last toward l. 



SCEXE II. — Same as before. Mrs. Jarvis seated by table sewing. 
Miss Susan Jane Gadham and Mrs. Briggs enter, r., excitedly. 

Mrs. J. (jumping up, startled) Goodness gracious ! how you two 
did startle me ! You look as if you had met a ghost. But won't 
you sit down? 

Susan, {in a mysterious voice) Ask me not to sit after what my 
eyes have seen ! 

Mrs. Briggs. (placing a finger on her lips) Hush! sh-sh! Oh. 
Mrs. Jarvis, the heap of unheerd of wickedness there be in this 
world ! 
Susan. It takes my breath away tew think on it ! 
Mrs. Briggs. It's anuff tew make a confidm' woman take pizzen ! 
Mrs. J. In the name of all that is awful, what do you two mean? 
Mrs. Briggs. An' he seen a respectable lookin' ole gentleman, 
tew ! 

Susan. An' he a preacher an' so famous like! 
Mrs. Briggs. That's what makes it so mighty wickeder! 
Susan. It does look right smart wosser, him betin' a minister; 
but, verily, the preachers air vanity, says the good book. 

Mrs. J. What do you mean? I do declare I begin to believe that 
you have both gone crazy ! 
Susan. You won't think so when you know the shockin' truth ! 
Mrs. Briggs. I'd think not, when her eyes air blasted by a sight 
at that awful, awful carpet-bag, as our'n has been ! 
Susan. Oh, the sinful ole reprobate ! (angrily 

Mrs. Briggs. State's prison will be the end of it, I know. 
Mrs. J. Who is sinful? Who are you talking about? 
Susan. Rev. Kirkwood ! 

Mrs. J. Rev. Kirkwood, our guest? Why, what has he been do- 
ing that is so horrible ? 

Mrs. Briggs. (shaking her head) Oh, that awful, awful carpet- 
bag! Trac's fur the heatherins, indeed ! Oh, the deceit of this 
world is over-powerin' ! 

Mrs. J. Don't stand there a living exclamation point, but tell mo 
what you mean. What has Rev. Kirkwood done? 
Susan, {wildly) Murder I He has did a shockin' murder I 



B THAT AWFUL CARPET-BAG. 

3Irs. Briggs. Ah ! yew may well roll up yer hands and clasp yer 
eyes that away ! It does seem hard to believe, but it's true ! it's 
true ! 

Mrs. J. Nonsense, Mrs. Briggs, you have let your imagination 
play havoc with your better sense ! You are so excited you do not 
know what you are saying. 

Mrs. JBriygs. I am a leetle unnarved, but I am not mistaken in 
what I seed, (shaking her head) No, no, no! 

Susan. No, she's not mistaken, Mi.?. Jarvis, fur I seed it tew, 
with both of my eyes wide open. 

Mrs. J. Saw what? Explain at once ! I cannot endure this mys- 
tery any longer. 

Mrs. Briggs. Well, listen ! (raising her finger) Susan Jane an' 
me was a-comin' in the back way tew have a leetle chat with yew 
this evenin'. We was admirin' your posies near the Rev. Kirk- 
wood's winder, an' jest happened tew look in. His light was a- 
burnin' an' we see him take up that awful carpet-bag o' his'n, an' 
jest as cool as if he had all the grace o' heaven, an' nobuddy else had 
a speck, he unlocked it an' took out 

Susan. The body of a dead child! 

Mrs. J. Oh, heavens ! 

Me. Jarvis bursting in l. } followed by Patsy. 

Mr. J. What's that? A dead child? Where? 

Mrs. Briggs. In Eev. Kirkwood's carpet-bag, in this hotel! 
Susan Jane an' me seed it plain — a poor, limp dead baby with long 
yaller hair. Oh, the ole murderer ! 

Mr. J. It seems too horrible to realize ! 

Susan. It does, indeed; but it's all a fact! I kin see now why 
he— sech a great pusson— stopped at this leetle town— at a small 
hotel like the Cross Roads ; he wanted tew git shet of the corpse ! 

Patsy. Be jabers ! He'll git shut of himsilf if that's his game, the 
ould canny-bull ! 

Mr. J. What are we to do? I am entirely confounded by what I 
have heard. 

Mrs. J. (excitedly) Do? There is but one thing for us to do, 
Mr. Jarvis : that is to confront the ecclesiastical villain in his room 
with the proofs of his diabolical crime and have him lodged in the 
county jail. We must go at once, before he has time to hide the 
dead body. We must preserve the reputation of the Cross Roads 
Hotel at all hazards ! 

Patsy, (imitates Susan, who is excitedly wringing her hands) 
Faix, that is so! If we don't make haste, he'll rip open the feather 
bed an' sew it up there, or throw it down the cistern, or put it in the 
pickle barrel down cellar. Ghost of Pat Murphy ! There's no tell- 
in' what he won't do with the corpse if we don't hurry our 
shtumps ! 

Susan. Oh, the villainy of them that set in the high places of the 
land t (w ringing her hands 

Patsy. Oh, the disappintment of them that always set a snare for 
the prachers ! (imitates 

Mr. J. Come, it won't do to tarry here if we are to beard the 
wolf in his den ! Let us retire at once to the kitchen and arm our- 
selves with brooms shovels, etc., to defend ourselves should he 
refuse to surrender 



THAT AWFUL CARPET-SAG. * 

Etiit, l., followed by Mrs. Jarvis, Mrs. Briggs and Susan, all ex- 
cited. 
Patsy. By the howly powerths ! He'll be afther thinkin' he's 
struck 'an earthquake this toime ! (aw* L « 

SCENE III. — Rev. Kirkwood's private room in the Cross Boads 
Hotel. Rev. Kirkwood, in dressing gown and slippers, is seated 
by a table, on which a lamp is burning, reading a paper, his feet on 
a foot-stool. 
Bev. K. Ah ! This is comfortable, indeed ! Had Istopped in the 
citv instead ot coming on to this quiet little place, I might have re- 
mained forever in total ignorance of the excellent hospitality ot the 
intelligent landlord and landlady of the Cross Roads Hotel, {takes 
up carpet-bag by his side and places it gently on a chair near by) I am 
glad it carried all right ! I was afraid it might be badly damaged 
after my long journey, (noise of many feet outside) What is the 
meaning of the commotion I hear? I hope they have not, in their 
wrath, assassinated that poor Irish lad and are now holding a wake 
over his body. Hark ! The feet move this way ! 

Excited voices outside; cries of "Look through the keyhole!" "Do you 
see him!" "Has he escaped?' 7 "Let me at the ould spalpanel 

Bev. K. The Irishman's voice ! He still lives then. I declare, 
the hubbub is at my door ! What can it mean ? 

Enter, r., Mr. Jarvis with old rusty gun; Mrs. Jarvis with broom; 
Mrs. Briggs with fire-shovel; Susan with chum-dasher and 
poker, while Patsy brings up the rear with a bootjack. They are 
all excited and brandish the miscellaneous weapons conspicuously. 
Boarders if convenient. 

Mr. J. You— yon scoundrel ! 

Mrs* J. How dare you show yourself in a respectable house? 

Mrs. Briggs. Ain't you ashamed of yourself, at your time of life, 
a brin°'hi' approach upon the church? 

Susan. Oh! you wolf in a lamb's wool, that tramples upon the 
flowers of a young girl's faith in preachers ! I could nearly come a- 
strikin' ye, I am that upsot at your transgressing. 

Patsy. Faix, sir, now ye ought to be ashamed of yersilf, so ye 
had to tramp down the young lady's flowers, though I never saw 
ye do the dadc ! I'll list take holt of yez while the others do the 
spakin'. (Patsy holds the Rev. Kirkwood in his chair with hands 
oil Ms shoulders) Now, ladies, say what yez plaze. I've got the 

CU Susan. Oh, the deceivin' critter! Oh! there's that awful carpet- 
bag! Let me git it! 

Snatches the carpet-bag from the chair near Rev. Kirkwood, and 
carries it down c. 

Mrs. Briggs. You horrid man, to sit there so unmoved-like when 
ver awful crime is diskivered ! 

J Mr T Ye* Rev. Kirkwood, you might as well surrender your- 
self to justice at once, for your dreadful crime is known to all 

present 



10 TEA T A WF UL CA BFE T-BA #. 

Patsy. Yis, sir! I'd advise ycr riverince to give up, fur ye see 
we are all armed and ready fur the fray an' ye'll git no quarthers 
from any of us. 

Mrs. J. Come, sir, surrender and cause no difficulties! 

Bev. K. Ladies and gentlemen, will you be kind enough to tell 
me what all this means? 

Susan, (bending over the carpet-bag in c. of stage and trying to un- 
fasten it) It means that you are a murderer of the deepest dye, an' 
the innocent murdered lies coffined in this carpet-bag. (she jerks the 
carpet-bag open; outfalls a large wax doll, life size) Behold! the 
wretched victim of a once great preacher ! (discovers it to be a doll) 
Oh! What is this? 

All crowd around the carpet-bag and stare incredulously at the doll. 
Patsy releases Rev. Kirkwood and stares open-mouthed at it. 

*r 1?e ?' •£ A -, foirfchda y present for my little granddaughter at 
Mapleville. My friends, have you any criticisms to offer on it— as a 
doll? 

Mrs. Briggs. I— I thought sure it was a dead baby ! 

Susan. So did I ! J 

Patsy, (aside) The ould maid and ould widdy has made a shwate 
muss of it this toime ! 

Mrs. J. Susan Jane Gadham and Priscilla Briggs, you ouo-ht to 
be turned out of the church for making all this hubbub over a doll ! 
Oh, Rev. Kirkwood, what will you think of us? 

_ _. (covers her face with her hands 

m Patsy. Farx, mum, if he's the good christian mon I've heercl he 
is, he 11 jist think it's a wild frake of the imagination an' not kape it 
agin ye. . _ * 

Bev. K. (smiling) A sort of private rehearsal in which a lesson 
has been taught, Patsy. 

Patsy ^ Yis, sir! an' it's my opinion some of us had betther be 
put back m our a-b-c's. (looking at Mrs. Briggs and Susan 

Mr. J. (to Rev. Kirkwood) Sir, I am too wretched to attempt 
any apologies for all this disturbance and for the suspicions we had 
against you. Had it not been for the curiosity of our neighbors 
who saw you through the window, remove the doll from the carpet- 
bag and mistook it for a dead baby, all this unpleasantness inMit 
have been prevented. 

Bev. K. My friend, spare yourself all this humiliation. I am too 
wise to allow myself to be offended because others will make fools of 
themselves. Only accept this little advice from me (to audience) 
and all present under the hearing of my voice, also :— Never iudo-e 
by appearances hastily, and never decide on the unsupported testi- 
mony of others. 

Arrangement op Characters. 

Mr. & Mrs. Jarvis, l. Mrs. Briggs & Susan, r. 

Paxsy, near d. l. 

Boarders, (if present, in the background. ) 

CURTAIK. 



JUST OUT—A Hew Tem perance Play! 

Dot; the IXaiiier's Daughter, 
One Glass nf WinE. 

IN FOUR ACTS. 

DBA MAT IS PERSONS. 

David Mason A farmer. 

Herbert Mason David's son — just from college. 

Royal Meadows Foster-son of Mrs. Clifton. 

Arthur Floyd A villain. 

George Clifton A returned Calif omian. 

Parson Swift An astonished clergyman. 

Bill Torry A boatman — Floyd's confederate. 

Brewster Police officer. 

Ebony A colored individual. 

Mrs. Mason David's wife — a good adviser. 

Dolores ? The miner's daughter. 

Mrs. Clifton George Clifton's deserted wife. 

Winnifred Clifton Mrs. Clifton's daughter. 

Hapzibah A lady of color. 

— mmi i n i iii.iii ii— m i li it— nm— tin ■ iim mil !■» ■ i« r !■ ■ ■l i mn iiiimhi ii ■ 

Festival of Hays. 

A NEW AND OBI GIN AL SERIES OF TABLEAUX. 
ft is especially designed for Amateur Companies, as it re- 
quires only a platform, no scenery being necessary 
for its production. Mirth and Sadness are 
well combined. Costumes Modern. 
Time one hour. The following 
arc the days represented. 
Price 15 Cents— Order a Copy. 

characters. 
Header. 

New Year Chorus of girls in white. 

Washington's Birthday George Washington. 

Valentine's Day Maiden and lover. 

St. Patrick's Day Chorus of boys. 

Washing Day Girls at tubs. 

House-Cleaning Day Man and woman. 

April Fool's Day Old maid, and little boy. 

Ash Wednesday Monk. 

Good Friday Women at cross. 

Easter Chorus of girls in white. 

May Day May queen, chorus of children. 

Memorial Day Two soldiers. 

July Fourth Uncle Sam., boys. 

Emancipation Day Darkey. 

Hallowe'en Group of girls. 

Thanksgiving Day Man, little girl. 

Chbistmas * Group of children. 



New Temperance Cantata for the Little 

Ones! 



TO VICTORY, 




-BY- 



IDA M. BUXTO^T. 

This Cantata supplies a want long felt, Nearly all published are either too long, 
»r from the difficult music, or complex stage business quite beyond the reach of the 
general juvenile companies. This one was written especially to obviate all these 
difficulties, and at once give to those desiring, a taking and effective piece. 

It is designed for Juvenile Temples, Sabbath Schools, etc., and requires only a 
platform, no scenery being necessary for its production. 

The words are all set to old airs, familiar to every one. The stage directions are 
plainly given, and no diflculty will be experienced in preparing it for public presen- 
tation. 

The following are the characters represented. 

UNCLE SAIL — Dressed in a suit of Bed, White and 

Blue. 
DRUNKARD'S DAUGHTER.— -In ragged clothes. 
DEBORAH.— Who leads the chorus of girls. 
OAPT. PROHLBLTLON.—Wh.olea.dsthe chorus of boys 
BROTHER. 
SLSTER. 
FOUR GLRLS } dressed in white, representing Maine, 

Kansas, Iowa and Bhode Island — the latter being a 

small girl. Each one carries a shield with the name 

of her state. 
CHORUS OF BOYS. 
VHORUS OF GLRLS. 
The Choruses may consist of anv number convenient. 

Please order a sample copy, look it over carefully and see it does not please yea 
PRICE 25 CENTS PER COPY. 



PUBLISHED FROM THE AUTHOR'S ORIGINAL 
MANUSCRIPT. 



An entirely original Allegorical Drama of the civil war in 
the United States, entitled, 

THE DUTCH RECRUIT; 

OK, 

THE BLUE AND GREY. 



BY J. T. VIEGABD. 

All rights to this popular drama have been purchased of its author, and it is now 
published in book form complete for the first time. It was produced season after 
season by the original proprietor with unbounded success, and was the means of re- 
plenishing many G. A. R. trea£uries, which were running low. 

The following are the characters represented: 

Deitrich Vonderspeck The Dutch Recruit 

Col. St. Leon a loyal Southerner 

Harry Pearson a Union Spy 

Frank Duncan The Guerrilla Chieftain 

John Marker St. Leon's Overseer, aftencards a Guerrilla 

Charles White Harry's friend, a Union Spy 

Teddy O'Connor a son of the OldSod 

General „ Commanding U.S. Forces 

Col. Franklin of the U. S. Army 

Uncle .Ned on Octogenarian 

General Commanding G. S. Forces 

Sam.... one of the Bones of Contention 

Alex Burt A Lieutenant of Guerrillas 

Prisoner.. a t Belle Isle 

Maude St. Leon a loyal lady, daughter of St. Leon 

Mrs. St. Leon wife of the Colonel 

Goddess of Liberty, Officers U. S. A. Officers C. S. A. Citizens, Soldiers, Bush" 
whackers, Prisoners, etc., etc. 

It will be found easy to put upon the stage, full of thrilling and startling situa- 
tions, hairbreadth escapes, military movements, prison scenes, scenes full of pathoa 
and tears, others in which the Dutchman and Irishman will convulse the listeners 
with laughter. Every character is good, being strongly dra^rn, and worthy the talent 
of the best actors. 

J8® 5 - The publisher has purchased all rights in this grand Military Play and al- 
though at a high price, has determined to place it at the disposal of every G. A. R. 
Post, S. of V. Camp, and in fact any organization who may wish to produce it. 
Therefore, bear in mind, there is no royalty on it— all can produce it who may 
wish to do so free of charge. 

tig* It is printed from new type on good paper— substantially bound in rarer 
binding. 

PRICE 25 CENTS PER COPY. 

ADDRESS, 

A, D. AMES^Publisher, 

Lock Box 102. CLYDE, 0. 



~« aa* THEATRICAL &&>- 

AND FANCY^ COSTUME WIGS. 

Attention is called to this list of WIGS, BEARDS, MUS- 
TACHES, WHISKERS, &c. 



We employ a wig-maker especially to manufacture goods for our trade, 
and can guarantee satisfaction. All goods made 
under our personal supervision. . 

In ordering be careful to state every particular, i. e. size, color, etc. Any wig foj 
special character or occasion can be made to order. 



White Old Man $4.50 

Iron Gray 4.50 

Yankee 4.50 

Irish 4.50 

Crop [all colors] 4.50 

Fright 5.00 

Negro 90 

[white old man] 1.50 

" 'grey " J 1.50 

with top knot] 1.50 

" [wench] 5.00 

Sir Peter Teazle 5.00 

Shylock 4.50 

Court Wig with Bag 4.50 

Tio 4.50 

Paul Pry 4.50 

Dundreary 5.50 

Light Dress Wig, with parting 5.50 

Rough Irishman 4.00 

Flaxen Country Boy 3.50 

Physician or Lawyer [white] 5.00 

Dress Wig with Eycbr'ws & Whisk'rs 5.50 

Dress, without parting 4.00 

Duplex; can be worn either as a male 
or female Wig; very convenient; in 

reality 2 Wigs inl 6.00 

Flow Wigs, Long Hair, suitable for 
most Shakesperian characters, Fairy 
Plays, &c 5.50 



Dress Scalp, with parting $5.00 

Scalp3 2.75 

Gentlemanly Irish, with parting 5.00 

Bald Wigs, Grey or White 4.50 

Rip Van Winkle 4.50 

Grey Dress Wig, with parting 4.50 

White " " " 4.50 

Clowns, in colors 4.50 

Pantaloon, Wig and Beard 5.00 

Robinson Crusoe 4.50 

Monk 4.00 

Box and Cox, 2 Wigs, each Wig 3.50 

Chinaman, with Pigtail 5.00 

Dress Wig, superior 5.00 

Red and Brown Bald Wigs 4.50 

LADIES. 

Court Wig 6.50 

Grand Duchess 6.50 

Lady Teazle 7.00 

Marie Antoinette 7.50 

Mother-in-Law 5.50 

Female, plain, Long Hair, so that lady 
can do up as she wishes, a really fine 

Wig 10.00 

Nigger Crape Masks, a substitute for 

blacking the face 2.00 

Ladies' Wigs, Blonde, Light and Dark 
Brown and Black, made up in pres- 
ent fashion 6.00 



Comic Old Woman's Front Piece $2.50. 

BEARDS, WHISKERS, MUSTACHES, &c. 



Fide Whiskr's & M'stache on wire $1.25 

Side Whiskers and Mustache, on 

wire, superior 1.50 

Side Whiskers, no Mustache, wire 1.00 

Side Whiskers <& Mustache, Gauze 2.00 

Side Whiskers and Mustache, on 

gauze, superior 2.25 

Side Whiskers, without Mustache, 

on gause 1.50 

Side Whiskers, without Mustache, 

on gauze, superior 1.75 

Full Beard 1.75 

" " superior 2.00 



Full Beard without Mustache 1.50 

Full Baard, no Mustache, superior 1.75 

Mustache and Chin Beard, combined.. 2.00 

Imperials 30 

Full Chin Beard 1.25 

Mustaches on wire 35 

" gause 40 

CRAPE HAIR— For making False 
Whiskers, Mustaches, <fec. 
Colors— Black, White, Light Brown, 
Dark Brown, Iron Grey & Red. 
Price per yard 20 



Address 



A. D.AMES, PUB'R., 



LOCK BOX 102. 



CLYDE, OHIO. 



YES, WE THINK IT WILL PLEASE YOU, 
THIS NEW DRAMA ENTITLED 

Brae; the Pnar g f 

House G-irlT 



■—— — ■ ■■"■ ■■ "■ 

It \rill please your audience at least if it is presented well. The character of BRAC, 
is very much like "FANCHON THE CRICKET, "-is replete with 

RICH AND SPARKLING DIALOGUE, 

FUNNY AND TELLING SITUATIONS, 
DARE-DEVIL EXPLOITS, ETC., 

and worthy the best talents of the best ladies. The beauty of the play is, that it is 
entirely original, the acts and scenes not being found in a dozen other plays, but 
only this one. The leading man, Bob Wilder, is a gentleman of leisure, who be 
comes smitten with Brae, and in order to play the part, should beablo to sing and 
perhaps dance too— although it is not positively necessary. There is a very funny 
old maid's part, which if played well will certainly "bring down the housej' 

All the other characters 3 males, 2 females, are telling ones. To please the average 
audience' of to-day, a play must be selected with a nice construction of sentiment and 
mirth. This play fills the requirements we believe. 

Send for specimen copy and see if it is not just what you want. 

Time of playing 2 hours. Price 15 cents 

NO CHARGE IS MADE FOR ITS USE-PERFORMANCE FREE. 



NEW MILITARY DRAMA! 

THE CONFEDERATE SPY. 

BY ELLSWORTH STEEDMAN. 

SEND 15 CENTS FOR SAMPLE COPY. 



If you want broad fun! fun that will make you laugh 
and snort! fairly get up and howl and hold 

your sides! — buy a copy of 
BERT RICHARDS FARCE-COMEDY, ENTITLED 

n urm's ^ p. JIFEHS . 

A ttend to this at once and live longer and happier. Pricel^o 



IT WILL DRAW AS WELL AS UNCLE TOM'S CABIN— A 
BE AHA OF THE SOUTH. JUST PUBLISHEB. 



MILLIE,the QUADROON: 



-«!>«4 OR, -£=-.<>.►— 



OUT OF BONDACE. 



<^6 >*^^*> ^j> 

A BE AHA IN FIVE ACTS, BY LIZZIE MAY ELWYN, 
AUTHOR OF BOT; THE MINER'S LAUGHTER. 

ORDER A COPY-ONLY 15 CENTS. 

ACT I— Scene 1st.— Home of Fred G rover— Priscilla, Fred's 
old maid sister — Fred's return from the South — His present to Pris- 
cilla, of Gyp, a "little nigger" — Gyp dances — Millie's horror of 
slavery— Gyp's happiness — Song and dance. 

ACT II. — Scene 1st. — News of cousin Charlie, an old lover of 
Millie's — Gyp and Siah's soda water, an amusing scene — Priscilla, 
her horror of being kissed by "a man" — Millie vindicates herself by 
revealing the secret of her life to Charlie, which is heard by Daville 
— Gyp — Meeting of Millie and Daville — Daville reveals Millie's se- 
cret* to Isadore, his betrothed — Comic scene between Gyp and Siah. 

ACT III. — Scene 1st. — Evil designs of Daville and Isadore — 
Millie, the child of old Harriet, the slave — Meeting of Isadore and 
Harriet, her threat, "You are my child" — Isadore attempts her mur- 
der by pushing her over the cliff; she is rescued by Daville — Isadore 
reveals her love for Fred, which Millie and Charlie overhear — Millie's 
anguish and final blow — "IS T o wife, aslave !" — Quarrel of Daville and 
Charlie— Isadore's search for the body of old Harriet. Scene 2d. — 
Escape of Charlie — A piece of Priscilla's mind — Her promise to 
Millie — Oath of Isadore — Millie's flight. Scene 3d. — Daville gives an 
account of the shooting and supposed flight of Millie with Charlie — 
Priscilla on her mettle — Supposed suicide of Milllie — A LAPSE OF 
SEVEN YEARS. 

ACT IV. — Scene 1st. — Daville accuses Isadore, now Mrs. Grover, 
of Harriet's murder— Millie, as Sister Agnes, the French governess — 
Return of Charlie — Fred's anger and Priscilla's interference. Scene 
2d. — Charlie disguised as old Nathan — Millie's letter found which 
explains her flight — Fred's remorse — Daville and Isadore recognize 
Millie — Their plot against her discovered by old ^Nathan. 

ACT V.— Scene 1st.— Southern Plantation — Priscilla discovers 
Sister Agnes, as Millie — Her anger at being kissed by a nigger — 
Daville threatens Isadore with slavery — Attempted murder of Pris- 
cilla — Scene between Gyp and Siah. Scene 2d. — Millie a slave — 
Daville offers her marriage — Millie tied to the whipping post — Her 
rescue by Gyp. Scene 3d. — Millie and Gyp in the swamp— At- 
tempted capture— Rescued by Charlie— Old Harriet clears the mys- 
tery of Millie and Isadore's birth — "There is but one way left, 
death" — Arrest of Daville— Death of Charlie-«-ReconQUiation of Fred 
and M,UHe t w&o |s {reed from bondage, 



y— 7 ^ 

_JLniES> Plays — CantinuBd. 



72 
19 
42 
188 
220 
148 
218 
224 
233 
154 
184 
209 
13 
66 
116 
120 
103 

50 

140 

74 

35 

47 

95 

11 

99 

82 

182 

127 

228 

106 

139 

231 

235 

69 

1 

158 

23 

208 

212 

32 

186 

44 

33 

57 

217 

165 

195 

159 

171 

180 

48 

138 

115 

55 

232 

137 

40 

38 

131 

101 

167 

68 



rli 



FARCES CONTINUED. 

Deuce is in Him 6 

Did 1 Dream it 4 

Domestic Felicity 1 

Dutch Prize Fighter 3 

Dutchy vs. Nigger 3 

Eh? What Did You Say 3 

Everybody Astonished 4 

Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 
Freezing a Mothw-in-Law... 2 

Fun in a Post Office : 4 

Family Discipline 

Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 5 

Give Me Mv Wife 3 

Hans, the Dutch J. P 3 

Hash 4 

II. M.S. Plum 1 

How Hister Paxey got her 

Child Baptized 2 

How bhe has Own Way 1 

How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 

How to Tame AI-in-Law 4 

How Stout Your Getting 5 

In the Wrong Box 3 

In the Wrong Clothes 5 

John Smith 5 

Jumbo Jum ~ 4 

Killing Time 1 

Kitties Wedding Cake 1 

Lick Skillet Wedding 2 

L mderbach's Little Surprise 3 

Lodgings for Two 3 

Matrimonial Bliss 1 

Match for a Mother-in-Law.. 2 

More Blunders than one 4 

Mother's Fool 6 

Mr. and Mrs. Pringle 7 

Mr. Hudson's Tiger Hunt 1 

My Heart's in Highlands 4 

.My Precious Betsey 4 

My Turn Next 4 

M> Wife's Relations 4 

My Day and Now-a-Days 

Obedience 1 

On the Sly 3 

Paddy Miles' Boy 5 

Patent Washing Machine 4 

Persecuted Dutchman 6 

Poor Pilicody 2 

Quiet Family 4 

Rough Diamond 4 

Ripp'es *. 2 

Schnaps 1 

Sewing Circle of Period 

S. II. A. M. Pinafore 3 

Somebody's Nobody 3 

Stage Struck Yankee 4 

Taking the Census 1 

That Mysterious B'dle 2 

Tue bewitched Closet 5 

The Cigarette 4 

The Coming Man 3 

Turn Him Out 3 

The Sham Professor 4 

The Two T. J's 4 



28 Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 4 

142 Tit for Tat 2 

213 Vermont Wool Dealer _. 5 

151 Wanted a Husband „. 2 

5 When Women Weep 3 

56 Wooing Under Difficulties^. 5 

70 Which will lie Marry 2 

135 Widower's Trials 4 

147 Waking Him Up 1 

155 Why they Joined the Re- 
beccas _ 

111 Yankee Duelist 3 

157 Yankee Peddler 7 

ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

204 Academy of Stars 6 

15 An Unhappy Pair 1 

172 Black Shoemaker .. 4 

98 Black Statue _... 4 

222 Colored Senators 3 

214 Chops 3 

145 Cuff's Luck 2 

190 Crimps Trip 5 

*27 Fetter Lane to Gravesend 2 

230 Hamlet the Dainty 6 

153 Haunted House 2 

24 Handy Andy 2 

236 Hypochondriac The 2 

77 Joe's Vis t 2 

88 Mischievous Nigger .. 4 

128 .Musical Darkey 2 

90 No Cure No Pay 3 

61 Not as Deaf as He Seems 3 

234 Old Dad's Cabin 2 

150 OldPompey 1 

109 Other People's Children 3 

134 Pomp's Pranks 2 

177 Quarrelsome Servants 3 

96 Rooms to Let 2 

107 School 5 

133 Seeing Bosting 3 

179 Sham Doctor 3 

1)4 li),UUU Years Ago 3 

25 Sport with a Sportsman 2 

92 Stage Struck Darkey ... 2 

10 Stocks Up, Stocks Down 2 

64 That Boy Sam 3 

122 The Select School „ 5 

118 The Popcorn Man _... 3 

6 The Studio «. 3 

108 Those Awful Boys .. 5 

4 Twain's Dodging 3 

197 Tricks 5 

198 Uncle Jeff 5 

170 U. S. Mail 2 

216 Vice Versa 3 

200 Villkens and Dinah « 4 

'210 Virginia Mini my 6 

203 Who Stole tin Chickens 1 

205 William Tell 4 

150 Wig-Maker and Iha Servant* 3 

GUIDE BOOKS. 

17 Hints on Klocuti >n 

130 H.uts to Amateurs ~~ 



CANTATA. 215 On to Victory (with eh< '« 4 6 



jfi 



NEW FKE 



Recently 1 ^ ™A«l^ 

250. Festival of Days. A series of Tableaux, by Ida M. Buxton, repre- 
senting the memorial days of the year. Just the thing for an evening's entertain- 
ment, as it is easily produced, requiring no scenery. Time of performance, onehonr. 

251. Millie, the Quadroon; or, Out of Bondage. A drama in 5 
acts, by Lizzie M, El wyn. 6 mates, 5 females; the greatest success of the scson. 
This drama is replete with fine situations and unlooked for developements. Mirth 
and sadness are well combined— something after the style of abin," 
representing scenes in the South before slavery was abolished, Co-fumes modern. 
Time of production, 2 hours. 

252. That Awful Carpet-Bag. An original farce, in 3 scenes, by Ad 
H.Gibson. 3 males, 3 females. Scene in a hotel: a widow and old maid, whose 
curiosity gets them into embaressiug situations. Irish character immense. Time 
30 minutes. 

253. The Best Cure. An ethiopian farce in 1 act, by C. F. Ingraham. 4 

male, 1 female— exceedingly funny farce. A darkey who was cured of imaginary ill- 
ness—the "cure" will be appreciated by all lovers of fun. Time, 30 minu 

254. Dot, the Miner's Daughter; or, One Glass of Wine. A 

temperance drama, in 3 acts, by Lizzie M. Elwyn, author of •"Millie, the CJaadi 
9 males, 5 females. This is the most ponular temperance play written since "Turn 
of the Tide" was published. Characters all equally good; two negro characters. 
Ebony and Hapzibah, which are immense, and keeps an audience in a continuous up- 
roar. Costumes, modern. Time, 2 hours. 

255. Gertie's Vindication. A domestic drama, in 2 acts, by <; 11. Pierce. 
3 males, 3 females. A thoroughly good moral play, show ing the truth of the old say- 
ing, "Honesty is the best poliev." Jack, the negro, and Katy, the Irish girl, are 
both exceedingly, good and will keep an audience convulsed with lau 

tumes, modern. Time, one and one-half hours. 

256. Midnight Colic. A sketch in one scene, by 1). E. Allyn. 2 males, 
1 female. A most laughable sketch that will please every one. Time of production, 
thirty minutes. 

257. Caught in the Act. Comedy in 3 acts, by Newton Chisriell. 7 

males, 3 females. This comedy is a favorite in the profession, and will take well 
withamatuers— is full of fun, dialogue is sparkling— not a dull speech from begin- 
ning to end. Time of production is about 2 hours. 

-$ c .~* 7 i(~}z7~ ~, — DO* 
MILLIE; THE QUADROON, a 

. new Drama, just published from the author's 
original manuscript, it is immense, and will 
give the best of satisfaction to an audience. 
The scene is laid in the south before slavery 
was abolished. The play is very much after 
the style of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Send for 
a copy. Only 15 cents. 

MIDNIGHT COLIC. A Laughable 
Sketch in one scene. This Sketch with Millie; 
the Quadroon, will make an evening's enter- 
tainment that will please anyaudience, 1 5c. 



